New beginnings

Around a year and a half ago, I found myself after having my life turned upside down by a series of catalysts (AKA trauma) having a fairly unexpected experience. I didn’t know what to call it at the time, I now know it as an awakening, but at the time what I was actually thinking was that I had finally gone crazy.

In truth this journey began well before that, a lifetime of experiences and lessons had led me there, but it seemed all I needed was the final piece. In my case, the final piece was the result of a yoga retreat.

I had practiced yoga on and off for many years, had explored meditation, journaling, and what I now know as shadow work. But at this retreat it all came together, and the bigger picture came exploding into my awareness. Like many who have an awakening (not all, we all have different paths), I felt deep peace, oneness, like the entire world was vibrating and I only just noticed. My understanding now is that this really was the first stage, and that deeper awakenings happen after this, because the rabbit hole goes pretty deep and I am yet to find the end, if there is one.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, the come down from this was pretty intense, and I found myself deep in my own inner muck going through my own dark night of the soul.

For many years I had considered myself atheist, proudly arguing for science and absolute solid ‘truths’, only to find myself questioning everything I previously believed and knew.

So of course I did what anybody does in this situation, I went seeking answers. At first I looked outside of myself, watching, reading, learning. It took some time for me to realise that I had to go within. After first trying some less than ideal solutions (you know, drinking a lot, shopping, escaping), I eventually decided my quick fixes weren’t working, and I turned to what I already knew. Meditation became a daily habit, I got back into journaling and shadow work, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to understand more.

I started exploring different religions, myths, watching channelled messages, and reading about ideas I previously judged as crazy.

I believe this journey is lifelong, and while I have gained a lot by exploring deeply, I know that I am a student on this path, and I am nowhere near what I would consider an expert. But as this path can be long and lonely, I felt it was time to share my experiences and explorations with the hope that it reaches someone in need.

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